I hate you...

Tonight something happened. I had one of those moments. You know, the kind that you always hear about... but you kind of think, maybe we'll never go through that. Then when it happens and all is said and done, you sit back and think..."Ooooh, that was it." Well tonight we confronted the "I hate you moment." Wait, don't go!! I promise it gets better. It didn't go at all like you see it in the movies, and SO much good came from it. Here's how it unfolded... I tucked the girls into their beds and came straight to the computer and sat down to start typing. I hadn't even had time to touch the keyboard when Morgan came walking in behind me. I asked her what she needed, and right away I could tell something was weighing on her mind. Let's see...what were her exact words? Oh, yes..."we need to have a conversation." Hesitantly, she began to speak. "Well, I need to tell you something, but I'm scared to say it." This is how she starts anytime she tells me something she is embarrassed about, or worried that she might get in trouble over. "Go ahead", I encouraged her. "Well, I don't think I can tell you." "Morgan, you can tell me anything, now go on." In a very worried voice, she began to explain. "Well, sometimes when I get in trouble, and you send me to my room, well...I get angry." "Uh-huh",  I nodded for her to continue. Stammering on she added, "And well... I know it's not good, and it's not true. I mean... I don't mean it, and I don't know why I say it." "Morgan, what are you trying to tell me?" She lowered her head and said quietly, "it's about the H word." "Hate?", I asked. "Yes", she said softly. Tears sat puddled on the lower lids of her eyes, and her honesty and vulnerability melted me. She continued,  "When I turn the corner to go down the hallway, I stomp my feet and I whisper under my breath that I hate you. But I promise I don't mean it and I don't know why I say it." Now, if there is one thing that I'm confident about, it's the love that I share with my girls. Instinctively I scooped her up in my lap and said, "well, I love you anyway." My little girl, so innocent and tender. I asked her quietly if she understood what that word means. She shook her head, and I explained that when you hate something, you don't want it to be a part of your life. We looked up the definition of the word and by the time I read it she was sobbing. Pleadingly she explained that she didn't know it meant that, and that I'm the best mama in the world. She would never want me to not be a part of her. "I'm so sorry, mama!" I held her tightly and assured her that nothing she could say would ever make me stop loving her. We talked about feelings and how everyone gets angry sometimes. How learning to control that anger is the part that's challenging. I told her that I probably whispered the same thing to Nina when I was a girl. Then I sat back and said, look at us now - we're best friends! She smiled and nodded. Here is where it gets really good. She was feeling much better and just as I was about to send her back to bed, she asked..."can we have a Mama and Morgan date soon?" And in the name of spontaneity it just came out..."why not now?", I asked.  She looked confused..."huh?" "Quick", I said. "Go throw some clothes on!"

 We quietly slipped out at 9:45 on a Thursday night and drove to Starbucks. We laughed the entire time. At a stop light on the way there, she looked out the window and exclaimed. "People are out walking at this time of night?!" You see, 9:45 is a big deal when you're six! (I'm over-using six since I only have one week left to use it!)

Watching them make our drinks.

She wanted to wear her masquerade mask and cheerleading skirt.... good for you girl!

Everything she said while wearing "the mask" was even funnier because she didn't even look like herself.

Don't forget the whip!!!

When ever she wears this big claw she refers her hairstyle as, "The Tornado".

I love moments where she is completely herself....regardless of who is watching.

We "did cheers" five times.... Just to be safe!

Thank you God for the tender conscience of this child. Please help me figure out how to maintain and preserve it. Amen.

Oh, what's that? You want to know what I'm thinking now? Well, I'm glad you asked! See, parenting is tough sometimes. When you decide to have a baby, you think about coos and kisses and cleaning up messes. Sleepless nights with a fussy baby are your biggest concern. Then that baby grows up, and they ask lots of questions, sometimes hard ones. Situations arise that require a lot of prayer and consideration before you can decide the best way to confront them. Tonight, my girl came to me. She needed me to comfort her, to tell her it was okay. I know that as the years go by, not every tough conversation will lead to a "drop everything and run to Starbucks moment". I'm happy to take it one mile at a time, and tonight it did. There have been many times where I've looked back and felt like I got it wrong, and with all of the second guessing that parenting sometimes brings... I'm happy to celebrate a moment that I feel confident about. Moments like the one tonight, well...it may seem small to some. But I feel like these are the moments that will pave the way for our relationship in the years ahead. I want her to know that she can come to me with her thoughts, big or small. Tonight reassured her of that. It's my prayer that we will always have an open line of communication, regardless of the consequences that may follow.  Six-year old girls are sometimes sassy. I'm pretty sure that's well documented. My girl can be sassy with the best of them, but she has a tender heart. Knowing that she is so mindful of the feelings of others, it makes me smile that in our "I hate you moment", she "whispered it under her breath". SO you could say that I'm entirely grateful for the night we had. Through her vulnerability and humility, we were able to connect in a way that has strengthened our relationship. I love her. She grew inside of me. I've cared for her. Nurtured her. Disciplined her. Hugged her. Kissed her. Encouraged her. I know how she feels about me, she shows me everyday. No words are needed for that. I know.


Happy Friday everyone! If you are interested in following along with me on this blog, then by all means, please do!! You can join at the right hand side of the screen. Have a wonderful weekend!!